Chili.

I made chili.

it is delicious.

I may have made enough for about 4 days.

yep.

that's all for now.

55:8

I woke up this morning, in that only partially awake sense of the word awake - where you know that you should be lucid soon in the near future but the alarm hasn't gone off yet, so you've still got time to sleep - and your brain isn't quite ready to do anything constructive, because it still plans on going back to sleep as soon as you've checked the time.

so I did. and the time said 55:8.

and in a rather distracted haze, I watched my brain deal with that input. first I tried adding the two fives together, to get 10:08, but that seemed a little late - so was I supposed to wake up? Or maybe the colon had somehow jumped ship and moved over a space from where it usually sits - so it's far too early to wake up at 5:58 then. plus, I thought that I had just looked over a bit before when it was 8:05. what happened? what is this weird time?

oh. wait.

I'm upside down.

and the part of my brain that was watching me do all of this figuring just laid back and chuckled at my expense.

Essays!

GaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahHhhhhhh!

what happened!

every MCAT class is submitting essays!! who would have thought that after all of these years of telling them to do the essays, they would finally listen to me?? If only I'd known. how do TA's deal with it? grading dozens of essays, and more coming in every day!

anyone certified to scare AAMC style essays and want to do a little extra work on the side?

Microcosm.

I was told today that I live in my own little microchasm.

And I think that the spelling was supposed to be microcosm. But the choice was so fitting, that I actually like it better. Because chasm could be a cleft, or gorge, or rift, or abyss. But it can also be a separation or division. And I like them both.

Either it's a tiny abyss that I have created around myself, or a miniature separation from reality. But neither has a necessarily positive connotation when viewed as a chasm. So, I think: fitting. And really, it's just me, so the more micro and focussed that it can be, the better. I certainly am not ready, or of the inclination, to accept the responsibility of subjecting many others to this self-styled diminutive fjord.

Just interesting that the misspelling adds a better connotation than even the original ward.

Sleep.

The crazy part about going to sleep is that you assume that you will wake up in the morning. You put aside those projects for another day, procrastinate a workout, decide to start reading more tomorrow, plan on doing the crosswords puzzle. But what if your chance was just that night. right now. and you'll never actually get the chance to do it again.

I'm not saying that you die tonight in your sleep. but not necessarily any less morbid. you put it off for tonight. plan on doing it tomorrow. but that day comes, and you think, well, I just put it off for a day, what can one more hurt. but then it does. and the thing that you meant to do that night comes back ten-fold later in the week, in repercussions. And maybe it doesn't right away. like your plan to eat more vegetables. so you buy some V8 and put it in the fridge. running on all 8 cylinders and all. But you don't drink it. because just having it in the fridge made you feel good enough, was just the right level of commitment to the cause to placate your will to continue, and the V8 sits and sits. and you open it one day and have a glass - just reassuring yourself that, yes, you are eating more veggies. because, if it hadn't been in the fridge, well, you wouldn't have drunk it, right? but then, because it was open, it rots in there. and the next time that you want some it's a tangy sludge that smells like rotting cabbage. So you don't buy it again, and decide to try eating more grains by buying Slim Pockets with whole grain. the name has slim in it after all.

so. when I go to bed, and think - hey, there's still some stuff that I really think that I should just get done right now, and not sleep yet. I like to do it. but then I find it is 4am, and I really should sleep, because it will impact this hypothetical, future day that I think I will have. what if that day is totally different than I expect? what if by doing that work, completing that project, having that serious conversation, the day that I expect is irrevocably changed? and instead of putting it off again and again, I just move forward. so. what I'm getting at. is - isn't sleep just another fancy way of saying procrastination? why do I wake up early and try to get things done? is it out of motivation? or just fear that it will pile up, and I will be forcing there to be a reckoning somewhere at the end?

and how did I get into debt? that's stressful.

English Elucidations.

I was having a little fun looking around online for Englishy stuff. and I found a couple that were neat - and might come up at a cocktail party to make you look just a touch more educated. then again ...

- There is no continuation in the series of continuation words past three! Once, Twice, Thrice. that's it. four times doesn't exist. nothing past three at ALL actually. apparently there was never a need to mention that something happened more than three times?? Quince, while cute, is not five times in a row - but a little fruit tree in the rose family.

- However, we do care about series in longer order. The sequence continues after Primary, Secondary, Tertiary; with quaternary, quinary, senary, septenary, octonary, nonary, denary ... and a few others sprinkled further out in the mix.

- pangrams are sentences that contain all of the letters of the alphabet, at least once. the most famous is the one we used to do for typing: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. there is no sentence using english words (there is a Hebrew one) that only uses each letter once, but there is a 28-letter example that uses the letters "i" and "u" twice: Brick quiz whangs jumpy veldt fox ... but only because they are all real words ... umm ... not sure that it makes any sense though.

- Unisex means having to do with both sexes ... but the combining form uni- does indeed normally mean 'one', coming as it does from Latin unus 'one'. And the dictionary entries for unisexual and unisexuality, which are older than unisex, have the meanings one would expect ... what were they thinking?

- Similarly, alcoholic is a person who has a preternatural disposition to alcohol ... hence the ic suffix. So ... someone who works far too much and can't seem to stop their addiction would be a workic ... not a workaholic. are they addicted to workahol?

- A contranym is a word that has it's own opposite meaning when used in different context. For example: cleave. To cleave to someone that you love, is to stick to them, or adhere closely. But to cleave from someone that you hate, is to split from, or break away. one word - totally opposite meanings - sweet!

- Speaking of opposites:
The opposite of nocturnal is diurnal. animals that come out at twilight are crepuscular ...
The opposite of hibernation is aestivation. rather - dormancy in the summer.
There is no recognized opposite to the word exceed.

- In an interesting turn of phrase, biweekly means BOTH twice a week AND once every two weeks. Similarly with bimonthly, and biyearly. ... so that magazine subscription/prescription that you just got ...

- The only word in the English language that ends in 'mt' is dreamt.

nothing mind blowing per se. except maybe those last three bullets. Just a compilation for y'all.

For a Dreamer, Night's the Only Time of Day.

I woke up a few nights ago. knowing that something in my dream was important. and was going to write it down to remember it. but I was so tired. that I went back to sleep. but the dream was like a vision. a task. or a recommendation for me to follow. and so clear. not a vague, random dream where you are at a table with friends and when you look it up in a dream book it asks 'was there bread on the table?' to determine whether this is a prosperous omen, or just tell you that it's random and you should sleep more. so I figured - so clear - I'll easily remember it. I went to sleep. woke up TWICE more that night. each time with a dream that had a clear message. 3 times. three messages. each one so clear that I had no worries about writing them down.

so then.

I woke up.

and didn't really remember much, except that they were so clear that I hadn't written them down.

great.

now I have to stay in bed as much as possible during the day in the hopes that I figure out what they were .... unless one of those recommendations was to get up and out of bed ...

The Boondocks.

What a good show.

how come it's only on late at night ... oh wait ... because that's the only time of day it can be aired without the dialog being reduced to a series of bleeps. but seriously. great social commentary. good point of view. fun characters.

good show.

... in addition ... some of the best commercials come on late at night ...
amp

Raffle Success!

Thanks go out to All of the local contributers who made the raffle possible in the first place!! In no particular order:

Birnn Chocolates (down on Kimball Ave) donated a 1 pound truffle assortment gift box! Thank you Debbie.
Cynthea Day Spa (Church Street) donated a 1 hour massage package! Thank you Cynthea.
Lindt Chocolates (Church St) donated 2 lindor crystal heart truffle tins! double thanks to Becca.
Lake Champlain Chocolates (Pine St) donated a 15 piece selection gift box! Thank you Blythe.
Yankee Candle (Church St) donated a home candle gift set! Thank you Robin.
and I donated 4 pieces of glass - 2 rings, and 2 pendants, to be chosen by the 4 winners from a set of 5 rings and 5 pendants possible.
A special thanks goes out to Tamara, who managed to somehow rouse the Norwich University populous, and garner the majority of the tickets sold overall!

Overall, $247 raised - and this was simply by going around town, no radio ads, no tickets in stores, nothing. Which only tells me that I need to have another raffle, and this time actually plan it out with local businesses - so that they can help sell tickets too! People are much more willing to collect money for you, then to donate money themselves .... so I'm thinking that might just be the route to go on for a bit here! thanks again to the sponsors, the ticket sellers, and to you all the bought them! Fundraiser success!

Scrabulous.

Not just Scrabble.
and simply Fabulous.
hence: Scrabulous.

I would say that on average, it occupies 4 hours of my day. now, note that I have been staying up later than average, in order to fit this in. It's not that it takes the place, per se, of my other useless internet browsing allocation, nor the time displacing techniques that I strive to perfect throughout the day. It's more that it takes on the time when I would otherwise be getting up and slogging around the house, making food, or cleaning the dishes that somehow accumulate only for me; and that time at night that most people reserve for sleeping, or getting those last few productive projects in.

It has become an addiction.
and for good reason. I have been trying to figure out why I like these odd video games, these applications, the mind numbing stimulation of tetrical, or scrabulous, or scramble (boggle). and I think it's because it gives me zone out time. sure, I'm thinking, and processing, and for the most part far outscoring my opponents - but there's little real attention payed. drifting. almost in a zen state. I really noticed it today with scrabulous. I could actually keep playing in amidst the phone calls and tutoring arrangements that came up - and while being a good secretary, I kept up all of the 27 games that I have running simultaneously to keep me occupied. and I could feel the haze in my mind. A light overlay of scrabulous that didn't penetrate any other ideas, didn't overlay, or fog the rest, but was like a transparency or sketch or whisper constantly humming to itself, and waiting for me to be free enough to give in to its wiles. and I have not yet entirely decided whether this is a good thing, and it's keeping me from picking up bad habits, and doing other self destructive things, and being worse off than feeling slightly zoned for a small part of the day; or if it's just plain old bad, and keeping me from my potential, and making me forget to do things that are on my list, and scrapping time that could be spent with real people doing real things. on the one hand, is my feeling that it's saving part of my sanity by giving it some out - and on the other is the fear that I'm actually slipping into a dislocated madness and only by wrenching myself back can this be reversed.

anyway. it's 2 am, and I still have a dozen live games running. I should finish those up before bed. gnight.

On My Mind / In My Box.

There is a lot of stuff.

Hung out with the sis most of the evening, had dinner out, and looked at pictures and played a bit.

And then checked my overflowing inbox.

There were a few emails.

Some much more significant than others.

Usually I get a bunch of Kaplan and student questions, or classes to schedule, or tutoring kids.

Candid remarks aside - an Ultimatum has been set.

Know what comes next?

Something.

Walk.

walked 3.5 miles back from class tonight, because I forgot that the CCTA bus line doesn't run on Sundays. good thing it wasn't really snowing, or that I wasn't in dress shoes, or that I hadn't brought my whole satchel of books and gear with me, or that I wasn't dead tired from teaching all day. oh. wait. I have that backwards. silly me.

but it was actually a really nice walk ... and I am considering doing it again next week. The other option is to bring a bike and a change of clothes ... but it was as pleasant surprise to get a little walking in at the end of the day!

and then I came home and ate a cookie and a few pieces of brownie and drank a liter of water. much better. now I don't have to fear losing weight, or getting toned, by this evening excursion. pfew! close call!

A-Kaplaning-We-Will-Go ...

early.

far too early.

did you know that there was a 6 oclock in the a.m.? I had forgotten. you know why? because the human eye is not designed to function at that hour.

scientifically proven actually.

I mean - suppose that upon waking at this ungodly hour (literally - g_d does not exist at this hour - ecclesiastically proven ... discussion for another date though) - your body takes it as an attack of some sort. perhaps you are being ravaged, perhaps there is an emergency situation, perhaps you stayed up late drinking wine and watching movies and didn't get enough sleep on the couch as you had anticipated. Your body goes into survival mode. a little hit of adrenaline, some extra blood flow, increase of heat rate, and transference of the frequency of brainwaves from pleasant dreaming to startled franticness.

now - suppose that your choroid and iris arteries get a burst of blood flow through the opthalmic and internal carotid, because your body is sending impulses to your face and eyes to get stimulus responses - and then, because it can't really push out the sclera or expand latterly to relieve pressure, it distorts in the z axial direction, changing the base lens configuration and possibly even maxing out the amount that your ciliary muscles can adjust the accommodation factors. Hence, you might experience an advanced, and premature form of presbyopia, resulting in your inability to clearly focus and interpret the information impulses from your optical nerve as anything other than fuzzy amoeba's jogging.

I'm just saying. if you're up that early, you might be putting yourself in danger of entering into a situation where sight would have rejected the very notion of leaving the house. You might know beer goggles ... but have you fully appreciated morning goggles? gone out of the house with the pants that have that huge stain, that you wore to the same class several days before? left the one bag that you actually needed right by the door, because your peripheral vision wasn't yet up and running? poured the milk into your cereal, not seeing the chunks fall out, and not capable of reading such small text as a printed date yet? yeah. you know about morning goggles. be ware. be very ware.

there you go. science at it's explicative exemplar.

q.e.d.