Sleep.

The crazy part about going to sleep is that you assume that you will wake up in the morning. You put aside those projects for another day, procrastinate a workout, decide to start reading more tomorrow, plan on doing the crosswords puzzle. But what if your chance was just that night. right now. and you'll never actually get the chance to do it again.

I'm not saying that you die tonight in your sleep. but not necessarily any less morbid. you put it off for tonight. plan on doing it tomorrow. but that day comes, and you think, well, I just put it off for a day, what can one more hurt. but then it does. and the thing that you meant to do that night comes back ten-fold later in the week, in repercussions. And maybe it doesn't right away. like your plan to eat more vegetables. so you buy some V8 and put it in the fridge. running on all 8 cylinders and all. But you don't drink it. because just having it in the fridge made you feel good enough, was just the right level of commitment to the cause to placate your will to continue, and the V8 sits and sits. and you open it one day and have a glass - just reassuring yourself that, yes, you are eating more veggies. because, if it hadn't been in the fridge, well, you wouldn't have drunk it, right? but then, because it was open, it rots in there. and the next time that you want some it's a tangy sludge that smells like rotting cabbage. So you don't buy it again, and decide to try eating more grains by buying Slim Pockets with whole grain. the name has slim in it after all.

so. when I go to bed, and think - hey, there's still some stuff that I really think that I should just get done right now, and not sleep yet. I like to do it. but then I find it is 4am, and I really should sleep, because it will impact this hypothetical, future day that I think I will have. what if that day is totally different than I expect? what if by doing that work, completing that project, having that serious conversation, the day that I expect is irrevocably changed? and instead of putting it off again and again, I just move forward. so. what I'm getting at. is - isn't sleep just another fancy way of saying procrastination? why do I wake up early and try to get things done? is it out of motivation? or just fear that it will pile up, and I will be forcing there to be a reckoning somewhere at the end?

and how did I get into debt? that's stressful.